I feel guilty for writing this. For complaining about my circumstances, privileged as they are. I watch the world fall to pieces. Evil men like Trump, Netanyahu, Putin, and their cronies destroying children, their families, communities. I have so much anger. So much rage. And amidst this, I feel guilty for the fact that I get to have sweet moments with my children. That I am afforded the privilege to be annoyed or frustrated with them. That I feel they are so safe that I can feel exhausted by the never ending worry of loving them.

But being with family, in my home, Minnesota, is a special privilege I am rarely afforded. Here I can see my children bond with their grandparents. I can ask for help in the form of childcare when I am sick. I can watch beautiful relationships form between my children and those of my siblings. I can feel at home, like I belong: able to communicate in this place in my native language and be understood. All the nuance, the intonation, the diction is followed. I feel seen and understood and not dumb for stumbling through a language I am not good at. It is a relief. Ugly American, I guess that’s me. I’m not proud of it. But I also suppose it’s natural. After living for seven years in a country that is wonderful in so many ways, but isolating in so many others, it is a warm hug of a feeling to be back in my home: Minnesota.

And yet, and yet… it is not quite the home I know. There is so much anger. So much injustice. So much inhumanity. And the most confusing part is that people whom I know and love voted for this. 

If I didn’t have children I would be fighting…fighting on the frontlines for justice, for peace, for love, for democracy.

Is it selfish that since I have had children, I am now afraid to? I have so much to lose now and I hate to bow down to the “bad guys”. 

While I hope to make more of a difference in the future, I suppose, in this moment, I can just teach my children love and acceptance of all people, while being grateful for the love and acceptance I get from my people in my home: Minnesota.