Tonight my 3-year-old wanted to stand on a certain chair and sing into his microphone. This is the same chair from which he makes his proclamations and calls family meetings. Tonight, his 18-month-old brother wanted the same chair. After a lot of talk about taking turns and sharing and how the chair belongs to everyone in the family, the 18-month-old predictably lost interest and wandered to the magnatiles.

At this point, my husband and I said, “It looks like the chair is vacated. Would you like it to perform your songs?”

My three-year-old looked at us and said, “Arthur has destroyed me.” Meaning that he could perform no longer, as his little brother had destroyed his will to sing.

My husband and I looked at each other, eyebrows raised, trying so hard not to laugh. But I was inwardly thinking…”What three-year-old says this? Am I inadvertently raising a depressed and anxious child because I deal with those issues?”

I wanted to laugh it off…it is funny. He was being so dramatic about such a seemingly little thing. But then I thought, this is a big deal to him. How would I feel in this situation?

My three-year-old, Owen, was raised during COVID so he was at home all day with his mother AND father until about the time his brother was born. This was a big shift in his life. He had to start school and he had to share the attention at home. While this was a year and half ago, he still seems to harbour negative feelings towards his brother.

I try not to get jealous about all the social media posts on Facebook and Instagram about those who have kids that just click. You know, the pictures that people post about their older child loving on their younger child. That has rarely been our experience.

What is more, my husband and I want nothing more than for our boys to be close so they can go through life together. (And to bitch about their parents as we get older.)

So, instead of turning to my three-year-old and telling him not to be dramatic, I said, “I can see you feel really strongly about this. It is frustrating when you want something but have to wait your turn. If this happens again, is there another place you can sing?”

Part of me coils away from “conscious parenting” because I feel I am indulging my child and spoiling them in their tantrums. But a greater part of me feels that everyone needs to feel heard and acknowledged. Feelings are ok. Certain actions are not.

Anyway. Parenting is an ever-evolving process as we learn from the past and our own mistakes. I have come to terms with the fact that, despite my best intentions, I will mess my kids up in one way or another. But my hope is that I will always be a safe place that they can come to, even when they’re at their worst.